When I awoke from that dream I realized she was no longer mine. Phantom love like a lost limb haunts the heart and fools the mind as if it still remained but has long since passed. If there was a way to re-grow that love against the wishes of nature much like the forced regeneration of a limb, would I…do so? Control can re-grow love. I could make her love me again.

. . .

Sometimes I think that when I finish my work I might exploit the results for my own personal favor. I wonder if it will even matter. The result of my research will have a profound effect on the world. When I finish, it can be arranged so that I will have never known it took place or that I finished it. Perhaps I have already finished it. I would not know if I have been hacked, no one could.

. . .

At first I wanted to believe that I could still tell. I wanted for the sake of humanity to tell the difference. I couldn’t. The hundreds of animals and humans that I have thus far tested…couldn’t. Humanity has failed to detect this exploit of the mind. Humanity will have lost when I am finished.

. . .

When I finish my work I will return to her. She could love me again. I could…help her love me again. I could make her happier than she has ever been. I can change myself as well. I know what she doesn’t like about me and I could change that for her. I could help us by making us more compatible. I am in hell now. I have seen and have done unspeakable things, but I can forget all of that. I can make us believe we never parted. She would love me then, I could make it right for us. All I ever really wanted was to be happy. I was happy when she was mine.

. . .

Though I can make myself forget and have proven I would never know otherwise, I can’t believe I wouldn’t know. I would be changing her for me. I would be changing her forever…for me. Her love is perfect and I could never change that. I can only change myself. To abort her from my mind would be to steal her from me forever. I have my dreams and I can change myself to always dream, to be with her always. When I finish my work the world will have changed and I will return to where she hasn’t.